Trust and Time Off

“But what if they take advantage of it?” 

This is one of my least favourite phrases. I’ve found it’s typically uttered by people with pretty significant privilege and/or power, for whom whatever policy, program or process we are discussing either doesn’t apply or has little implications. Unfortunately, it’s also not an uncommon refrain in management discussions. 

I’ve heard this phrase about benefit programs, work from home, flexible hours, vacation days, sick time, bereavement leave, employee wellness funds…etc. Which begs the question: what are these programs for, if not to use? For show? I struggle to see how employees can “take advantage” of programs meant to be accessed, meant to be supportive, meant for them?

My experience has been that team members do not “take advantage.” In fact, generally, I have found the opposite. Constantly having to remind people to track and use their lieu time, to rest when they are sick, to plan vacation, to take time when they need it. I’ve had team members dealing with terminal illnesses of loved ones, caregiving duties for adults and children in their lives, deaths of family members who don’t fit typical bereavement policies, unexpected housing issues, and so much more. At times, the suggestion for time off has come from me and truly I’ve been so grateful they accepted. Other times I’ve been honored that they trusted me enough to ask for and take the time they needed.

We are in a sector of endless work. Of work that is beautiful, and heavy, soul crushing, and hopeful. Of issues so big and complex that while we do certainly make progress and impact, we could work 24/7 and there would still be more to do. 

But there are some moments of connection, care, support, grief, love, rest, that won’t always be there. Who am I to deny these moments? 

I believe in this approach not only for the difficult things. I want them to go to their kids’ school events, to take time off to travel, to attend community events, to support their hobbies, to paint their house or take a class. This work is hard. So. Hard. I hope they move away from their computers, stand in the sunshine, walk their dogs, make a really extravagant lunch, sit with their coffee or tea and ponder their weekend plans. I know so much of their work is often thankless. If the one small thing I can offer is a few extra minutes here and there to breathe, particularly when the world itself is so crushing, then of course I want to. 

I am still learning how to support team members to assess  their own capacity, to manage their time, not overcommit – while at the same time trying to constantly assess my own expectations, how many deliverables I write into grants, what kind of communicated and implied deadlines I set. I try to consider where the pressure comes from, where the tentative nature of asking for time off originates. Is it me? Is it the pressure of waitlists, client needs, project expectations, partners, teammates, general social expectations? Do they know I trust them? Because I do, I do trust them.

Have I been in connection in various ways with folks who have utilized flexibility in complicated ways? Yes, of course. But it’s been much less significant than the number of people who have used the processes more than responsibly, who communicated openly- who honestly should have taken more time off. 

When there is a suggestion that a staff member is “taking advantage,” I’m often just left with more questions than agreements. Is the policy actually clear? Are there unwritten/unspoken  expectations which void the policy? I’ve heard a great deal about how many organizations which offer unlimited paid time off, engage in a culture which pushes employees to take very little time. As managers, have we created an environment and dynamic where staff can communicate openly and honestly, where they don’t have to downplay their needs or circumstance? 

I have messed this up so many times. I’ve struggled with roles which have less flexibility in their actual duties or which function in response to  immediate, external demands like workshops or client sessions. But I am trying to communicate that sometimes, we just have to reschedule or cancel and that’s okay. Even if the person who booked the workshop doesn’t understand, I do, and I’m not mad. But I haven’t figured out how to deal with the reality that some roles being off redistributes work to team members who may also be at capacity. Or when cross training isn’t possible. Or how when a team member comes back, even if I remind them they don’t need to “catch up,” to take time responding to emails, and tasks- no matter what I say, the flood they come back to is overwhelming. 

It’s part of my job, a skill I should continue to develop, to plan for illness, personal emergencies, time off, and incorporate those into grant timelines ,  project management, team expectations. Sure I can’t plan for everything but I can assume that at some point, everyone will need a break. Can you really think of a year where you didn’t have something hard or overwhelming happen? Maybe there are some of you who can, but in my own life and those around me, grief, exhaustion, illness, mental health challenges, family needs and much more are regular visitors. 

And when I can’t plan for it, when we are faced with missing a deadline, or changing a deliverable, I have come to believe that my job is not to pressure a struggling team member to do more.  My job is to take accountability for the plan I created, to stand between my team and who we report to, and to create a new plan we can all work with.

I know too, that my own role modeling plays a part in this. And I’m not the best at it. I remind myself that I have a significant influence on the culture and expectations of the organization- yes through policy and management, but also through my own practices. I’m working on it. 

I’m not an expert. But I do know I can be honest with my staff. I can be honest when I am concerned or when I need more communication or planning on how to navigate their work, their needs, and everything else. I can be honest that I don’t know always know how to support them, but I want to. I can ask them what they need, and offer options. I can assure them we can figure it out together.  I can try to work against my own power, against a culture of pushing  through, I can tell them over and over again that they deserve rest. 

And I think most of all, I can believe them. I can trust them to assess their own needs. I can remind them to take the time they need. I know we all are so passionate about the work, but I also want them to be passionate about their lives. To have space to breathe, to heal. 

Maybe, this will lead to someone, someday “taking advantage.” But I’d much rather that happen on occasion than to manage in a way which erases humanity,  care,  and community.